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To say that I didn?t develop a sexual curiosity growing up would be the same as me saying, water is wet?I spent all of my early teen years and well into my high school years doing everything that I possibly could to be a man. Be man-like. I concentrated on hiding my physique from the world. Even though the incident with the eighth-grade bully pretty much introduced my feminine features to all those there that day. Nothing about me was ever?normal.By the time that Luis triggered my sexual interest I was already eighteen and in my senior year. With the help of the internet, I would go on to develop an appetite for research on my newfound sexuality.*Because for me, there were no support groups that I wanted*to join. No gay chess clubs per se and if there was one, I avoided*it. Honestly, had I allowed myself to find one, I never would have had the trust or the confidence to join let alone*attend a meeting. No sir, on this journey that is my sexuality, I went at it all alone through that final year of high school.My first attempt at masturbation was a complete disappointment. I was watching a really hot clip of an older man fucking some younger guy. I developed a hard-on and decided to give this masturbation thing a try. I grabbed my tissue box from the nightstand and lowered my boxers to grab a hold of my penis. I would only need the use*of my index finger and my thumb to do this. I watched the action on the clip. I couldn?t get past how much bigger both of their cocks were to what I was holding with my fingertips.In my mind, I started to question*if anyone would ever want to be with someone that had almost nothing to offer in the penis department. Who?d want this tiny little cock? As doubt flooded my mind and I continued watching and stroking, my mind was became*inundated with all of these questions. When I started spewing cum from having orgasmed it shocked me. I had allowed my mind to drift so much that the end of*that*first masturbation session caught me off guard.That would be the last time that I would touch my cock to cum?I didn?t mean for it to be the last time. I didn?t get mad at myself and declare that I would never again touch my little cock to make myself cum! No, it just accidentally worked out that way.I had been intrigued by two discoveries that I made through online porn. One was a slang term known as Trap. I noticed the category, Trap when searching gay porn. What I discovered were young men with bodies like mine. All the features of a beautiful young woman with male genitalia. The curves, the facial features, the full round bottoms, gorgeous legs, the hair, breasts, all the features of a woman. Then they?d lower their panties and there would be a penis and testicles.Some had large cock and balls but most, the majority, were like me. Really small cock and balls. Then I dug into this and low and behold I discovered that,*while rare, I am not the only one to be born into this physical trait. I don?t know if it was ok or not but I felt better about myself. Knowing that I wasn?t alone. Then I felt this overwhelming sadness.I discovered this through porn. Porn, I discovered this through porn. I didn?t discover this through normal media. No programs about me or my kind. No easily accessible websites are dedicated to this issue. No PSA announcements, nothing. Instead, those of us born with this usually get pushed into the dark corners. We?re bundled in with those that chose to be like us. Those who are transgendered, crossdressers, transvestites. We?re sexualized and made into a special fetish category. I suddenly felt alone again?*Now, before you become upset with me, understand that I have no issue with anyone that is born into a male body but feels like it?s a mistake. Anyone who chooses to be trans or cross-dress or any of the above, I have no quarrel with you and I completely support you for choosing to be you.My anger is with those that look down on us, that want to hurt us, or worse, that want to get rid of us?I know that I?m drifting from my story. I just feel like this is important to mention and I hope that someday we can just allow people to be happy. That they can leave us alone to be happy with who we are born to be.Enough, before I make myself cry?my second discovery.A man has his very own g-spot. He doesn?t need to touch his penis to cum. When I saw a prostate orgasm, I was in awe. How wonderful it must be to be able to do that. I started thinking of how much more personal sex must be by doing this. Being able to orgasm just from being on the receiving end of intercourse. I needed to learn how to do this, I wanted to be able to do this.The internet was my friend that wonderful*year and I discovered online adult novelty stores that sold all kinds of toys and accessories. Going over the selection I decided that I didn?t want to lose my virginity to a large realistic anything. Then I found prostate wands and chose a very discreet, very sincere wand that was thin with a small knob-like feature on the end. The instructions looked simple enough so I sent for one.When it arrived, I found it on my bed in its discreet little brown box. My mother had tossed isvecbahis it on my bed with all the other junk mail and packages that I?d received for the day. When you start mailing out college applications or calling universities for information the flood gates open up for high school students to receive all kinds of offers from banks, credit card companies, and so forth. My mother had stopped asking me about my mail months earlier.That night having showered and gotten comfortable in my bed, I gave myself the most intense orgasm. I came so hard that it felt as if I?d been kicked in my balls. Every time they?d convulse to blow out my cum I felt that kick. It left me gasping for air and having to cover my mouth with my pillow. To this day that little wand holds a special place in the back of the bottom drawer of my nightstand. After that night I never touched my penis again to masturbate.Through my senior year, I started catching some of my classmates checking me out in various reflections of them from a door glass window or a mirror or just noticing them from the corner of my eye when they?d gawk at me. Looking at myself in the mirror at nights I knew what caught their attention. My ass?My measurements have pretty much remained the same from then to now, five-foot-three, 32-22-36. My breasts may have been a bit smaller but not by much. My senior year science teacher, Mr. Wade, an older man maybe mid-forties. A very handsome, well-built, and very married man. He would often want to meet with me to go over my work. It was a college entry course class and knowing that I planned to go to med school he felt it important to give me some extra instruction.Calm down, we?re not going to veer into a classic porn scene but those meetings were very interesting...He would accidentally*brush up against me from behind every now and again. There was a time or two I most definitely felt the length of his very thick, very hard cock press against my ass. Now and then I?d press back against him hoping that that fantasy of mine would play out in real life. It never did and the only thing that Mr. Wade did to make me whimper, was on the last day of school.We had just finished meeting for the final time and he asked if he could get a hug. Being that I?m so much shorter, he practically engulfed my tiny body with his normal-sized one. He held me and pressed up against me tight. Giving me one final thrill of that wonderful cock of his, pressing*against me. He leaned into the side of my face and whispered??I wish things could have been different, have a good life, honey??Then he slid his hand down and cupped my ass and gave it a gentle squeeze as he said his final words, I exhaled and a faint whimper escaped from me and that was that.When I came out to my mother, I knew that there was no turning back. I figured she would be ok with it because we?ve always been close. When I told her, she was happy because she was waiting for me to finally realize that I was gay. She would say that she always knew and I called bullshit. That day, a whole new level in our relationship began for us.That summer after graduating high school and moving into my new apartment it gave me some time to acclimate myself to my new lifestyle. I started experimenting with crossdressing although my mother and I didn?t look at it as crossdressing. It was more me finally wearing clothes that were made for my body. Her big thing in starting me down this path was to convince me that I was more of a natural fit for women's clothing and not so much in men's clothing.Of course, I was reluctant at first. Clinging to my whole, I am a man damn it*mantra. But little by little I started appreciating my body. Right before my freshman year of med school started, I even started going out in public dressed as a young miss. I say young miss because that?s the department that I would purchase all or*most of my*clothes from. My mother was very well known at all the boutiques and clothing stores around town. Although she?s a shopping addict, she?d also take my brothers' wives shopping after they were newly married.My oldest brother got married and she claimed Misty as the long-lost daughter that she never had. She and my mother would spend entire weekends shopping and then it slowly faded to a stop. Then my second oldest brothers? wife, Terri, and finally my third oldest brother?s wife Dawn all received the same treatment.The day that I finally went out shopping with her I wore a pair of young miss flare cut button-fly Levi?s jeans, a white chiffon V-neck blouse (bold for my first time out, I know!) with short sleeves and a pair of very pretty sandals, flats with straps that came around the ankles. Underneath I wore a black 32A unlined balconette bra. With the V-neck blouse providing just a tease of my cleavage, I didn?t want the material from the upper part of the bra to get in the way hence the balconette.For my first time wearing panties, I went with black lace cheeky cut men?s panties. Men?s panties because they provide just a little bit extra in the crotch area. Not that I needed it because, well, because I didn?t need it. I?ve since isveçbahis giriş discovered that certain women?s panties I can?t wear but for the most part, women?s panties or men?s makes no difference to me anymore.The experience was wonderful, I remember being scared and also feeling liberated. I looked good and I felt good. The clerks at the stores who all knew my mother, were very nice. My mother and I had established some ground rules, a protocol, to make everyone around us feel comfortable and this would, in turn, make us feel comfortable.We established that when I wear my natural clothes, women?s clothes, I would allow myself to be identified as such. I would be her daughter. I would be miss,*I would be a young lady, I would be all the feminine pronouns associated with being a female. I compromised because this would cut down on the possibilities of any awkward situations.I promise I?m not bragging. You really can?t tell that I have a penis when I dress like a woman, just saying?One of the ladies asked if I had anyone doing my hair. I hadn?t thought about that. My mother seemed to be ok with my hair of course she styled it for me that day. My hair color is considered dirty blonde, this lady turned me on to a hairstylist. The next day I called her and told her the name of the lady that had referred me. I was a bit surprised at her reaction. to seems that I was popular.?Oh yes, yes, Liz told me that you might be calling! I would love to do your hair, when would you like to come in!?I had become famous with this Liz person and I had my hair done the next day. She showed me some styles and some ideas about changing my color and I thought, why the hell not? Classes would be starting soon, new school, new look. So, I did it.For my new color, I went with an ash color. Then added*the platinum blonde highlights. The cut was layered to a medium-length almost bob look. When I finished, she asked who did my make-up? I?d never considered make-up because I?m a man, damn it. She said that she had a friend who would come to my home and teach me how makeup works and what makeup would be best for my features. I sat there thinking?I?m a man damn it!?Yeah ok,*quot; I said. *quot;Do you want my information, or do you have her cell phone number? How do we do this?? So much for I?m a man?damn it.I would turn nineteen that September of my freshman year of med school but honestly? I was born that summer. My outlook on life completely changed. I was more at ease with myself, I wasn?t as stressed. I continued doing my man things with my father. We fished as often as we could, we?d hunt but being the summer there?s not much you can hunt but we still went out. Took in some baseball games with my brothers, soccer games to watch my nephews. I was getting really good at Jeet Kune Do, really good.But every Friday afternoon I?d dress up and go out with my mother and have a wonderful time?When men first started hitting on me, I was very nervous. I know how hard it is to tell that I am a man in women?s clothing. That?s why part of the protocol that my mother helped me establish calls for me to first introduce myself as Joey. As soon as I notice that he may want more,*to cross the line by flirting with me?*I politely stop him, smile, and let them know?Joey is short for Joseph. My birth name.Those that aren?t interested after that say something generic like, oh or ok or cool. Then they find their way as far away from me as possible. Those guys are almost always my age or just a bit older looking than me. The older guys? Whole different story?The majority of the older men just smile and say something cute like, ?I like Joey. Is it ok if we stay with that??That particular line I would hear months later. After summer and well into the winter of my freshman year. By that time, I?d already given my first blowjob, Phillip Moon. I?d become proficient with my makeup skills and my mother spent just as much money on my wardrobe as the money that my father spent on my new car and I have a really sweet ride.February, a couple of months after*that night with Phillip?It was a Saturday night and I had skipped work. It was about three in the afternoon and I was getting bored. It was one of those rare Saturdays that I had been scheduled off. Because I?m so used to working on that day, I didn?t know what to do with myself. My mother was out of town with my brother, the one closest to my age. She and my father went to his wife?s birthday celebration leaving me to my own devices.It was a cold day but not unbearably cold, still, a nice ice blue or Carolina blue cashmere sweater*to start with. Levi?s skinny jeans, yes, I had grown comfortable with skinny jeans by this point. Unlined bra with matching women's see-through cheeky cut panties. Wide leather waist belt to hang off of my hips. Really cute black over-the-knee suede boots with a three-and-a-half-inch heel. Stylish leather jacket and oversized knitted scarf. Looking myself over in the mirror before grabbing my jacket to head out, hair, check. Makeup, check. Attitude, check. I had to admit, I looked good.I arrived at one of my favorite open retail plazas I went isveçbahis yeni giriş for a coffee first. When I came out, I sat at an open table to plan out in my head which store to hit first and it was then that he, this man, introduced himself.Steven Byer, an attorney, came over and politely asked if he could join me. Looking up at him he immediately caught my attention. An older man, I was guessing mid-forties. Meticulously trimmed,*salt and pepper beard to go with his salt and pepper hair color. His hair was cut into an almost military shortcut. His facial features were gorgeous, with a chiseled chin and with barely visible dimples. His eyes were a deep blue and a smile that could light up a room.?May I join you?? he asked as he motioned to the seat next to me. It took me a second to gather myself.?If you?d like,? I responded.?My name is Steven by the way,? he replied.Now it was my turn. What do I do? My mind began racing, a thousand thoughts rushed through my mind. Do I tell him? Do I mislead him? No, I should tell him. Misleading him would be the dick/cunt move, don?t be that guy, I chastised myself in my mind.?Wait, before you sit down,*quot; I paused. *quot;You can call me Joey but my birth name is Joseph.? I had to tell him because I didn?t want to cause a misunderstanding with this gorgeous man.He stood there for a second and then smiled that smile, pulled the chair out, and sat down.?It?s a pleasure to meet you, Joey, birth name, Joseph,? he said sitting down next to me. ?Oh, and I like Joey. Is it ok if we stay with that?? Then*he winked at me.We talked for a while and then I started to feel cold. He must have noticed*and asked if I intended to shop or if I was just planning on meeting a wonderful man and freezing to death at an outside table where they sold*overpriced coffee drinks. I laughed, he laughed. He invited me for a quick lunch and I accepted. Over lunch, I learned that he?d often seen me before in this particular plaza a few months back. He had a client that he'd*come by to see and had noticed me accompanied by an older woman.My posture straightened up at the thought of this man*noticing*me months ago. I explained that the older woman was my mother and that she?d started me in wearing women?s clothes. I didn?t have to say that last part but I needed to be sure that he understood who he was sitting with. He grinned and said something to the effect of thank goodness. I claimed that I*looked good the day that he?d noticed*me.*I blushed and we continued with our conversation. By the time we finished, we had gotten to know a lot about each other. Nothing major but enough for me to feel very comfortable with him.?Here?s my card, I want you to call me. I would like to spend some time with you.? We finished eating and he offered to walk me to my car. Before walking away he offered me his card,*I graciously accepted it. Just like that, I?d spent a glorious afternoon with a wonderful man. Oh, and it wasn?t lost on me that him wanting to spend some time with me meant him wanting to fuck me.I was intrigued?The next Saturday I called him during my lunch break from work. All week I?d thought of him. All week I battled with myself, should I call him? Yes, call. No, don?t call. Yes, call. No, don?t call. On and on it went in my head for the entirety of the week until finally, I called.That afternoon I was like a little kid thinking that I was doing something wrong. I remember feeling the queasiness in my stomach, the butterflies as I started pressing the numbers on my cell phone screen.?Hello,? a deep voice on the other end answered on the second ring.?Yeah, um, hello I uh, may I, um, may I speak with Mr. Byer??Gawd I was such a dweeb, I felt so stupid and my face felt like it was on fire, which meant my pale face was a bright red.?This is he, may I ask who?s calling??I froze, say something! Damn it! Again, fighting with my thoughts??Joey, we met last week. We had lunch.??Oh, yes, yes, yes?hey how are you?? he answered.Once he knew who he was speaking with his entire demeanor changed. He became less business-like and more laid back like. We talked for about fifteen minutes in an awkward back and forth. Finally, he suggested that we meet up. I froze, again, this was all new to me. What was I supposed to say? Yeah, let?s meet up so we can fuck??You?re new to this, aren?t you, precious?? His deep voice soothing me with his obvious recognition of the position I had placed myself in.?Yeah, I don?t understand the rules yet,? my voice almost trembling as I responded.*?Okay, first I need to let you in on something. Something personal going on in my life right now.? When he said that all I could think of was, fuck me. This is where the proverbial shoe drops.*?Last week you made it a point, to be honest with me, Joey, birth named Joseph. Now I need to be just as honest with you. I?m married.? He paused and it was at that exact moment that I felt as if he?d punched me in the gut.?I?m married but my wife and I aren?t in a good place. Now that?s neither here nor there. It wouldn?t be good for me, I mean for us, to not be seen together in public. Not because you?re a lovely young man but because my marriage is headed for a divorce.? I listened in silence as he finished.?I do want to meet with you but I need you to understand where I?m coming from and again, this has nothing to do with your name being Joey or Joseph.?