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My Un-Fairy Tale IVby Michael Richard on Tuesday, December 16, 2008.Once upon a time, (it might have been two weeks ago, last Sunday), in a kingdom far away, (it might be down the road, turn left at the inn, up the hill, turn right at the rock that looks like it is giving you the finger, and across the creek), at the Royal Palace, (actually behind the palace, at the stables... OK, you got me, it is actually behind the stables, near the pile of manure that the stable boys shovel out every day), we find a very low ranking royal guard. Now this royal guard's only task is to make sure that no one steals the pile of manure before it can be carried away and spread on the king's vineyards as fertiliser. As you can imagine, this is a very boring job, and he usually spends most of his day fantasising about the king's only daughter. He's just getting to his favourite part of his fantasy when he is interrupted by a couple of guards on patrol, who were talking to each other about how the princess was taken from out of her bedroom as she slept last night and that a messenger has been dispatched to find a hero who will save her from the evil wizard's tower on top of Mount Goldspeak where she's been locked up.Now rescuing the princess was a huge part of his fantasy, so he took it upon himself to rescue her before the hero could. Now he needs to intercept that message, and stop that meddling hero from reaching Mount Goldspeak. He quietly slips away, leaving the huge pile of manure to be unguarded. He easily makes his way through town, finding the messenger passed out kilis escort in front of the tavern, helping himself to the messenger's message, and replacing it with a message of his own clever design that will lead the hero in circles. Now free to rescue the princess, he sets off to find Mount Goldspeak and the princess. Using the map he stole off the messenger, he easily and quickly finds the mountaintop and the tower. Once he reaches the base of the mountain, he discovers that in his rush to fullfill his fantasy, he forgot to bring his sword, which he left leaning against a tree back beside the manure pile. Realising that he can't go back without the princess and that there will surely be a dragon guarding her, he decides that he will have to make his own weapon. He selects a sturdy stick, a length of vine, and a heavy rock, after securely tying the rock to the stick with the length of vine, and after numerous failed attempts to lift his makeshift weapon, he then selects a slightly lighter rock, and repeats the procedure of tying the stick to the rock. Now armed with his makeshift mace, he slowly climbs the mountain. As he nears the top of the mountain he hears the high pitch cry of a young hatchling dragon, he stops and carefully glances around looking to see where mommy dragon might be, not seeing any sign of her, he continues, (very quietly, of course), on his way up the mountain. Once he reaches the summit of Mount Goldspeak, he cautiously peaks his head over the edge, and sees the evil wizard's tower, and the furious kırıkkale escort dragon that is guarding the tower and the princess. Upon seeing the furious dragon that the evil wizard has guarding the tower, he collapses to the ground in laughter. The evil wizard has a young hatchling dragon that can't be any more that one week old guarding the tower. Realising that an eight foot (2.4m) tall dragon is still a dangerous foe, and is no laughing matter, he quickly composes himself, and readies his weapon. Peaking his head back over the edge, he isn't surprised to discover that his noise has startled the young dragon, and that it is cautiously looking around, however it lack of experience has it looking toward the tower and nowhere near the guard.The guard making use of his advantage slowly advances toward the young hatchling, the hatchling hearing a small pebble that the guard accidentally kicked turns its head toward the sound giving the guard the perfect chance to swing. The hatchling's skull is no match for the guard's makeshift mace, and with a sickening bone cracking crunch the young dragon falls to the ground never to move again.He then steps over the young dragon's body, and boldly walks to the door of the tower. At the door, the inexperienced guard pauses not sure if he should knock, or just barge in. Finally deciding to let himself inside, he cautiously opens the door. Finding nothing but a winding staircase inside he boldly steps inside, and closes the door. He continues he farce of being bold, and bravely climbs escort bayan the stairs. After a few minutes he reaches the top, and a closed door with a small barred window set into it. Peaking through the small window, he can see what he assumes is the princess napping on a small cot pushed against the far wall, boldly opening the door, and stepping inside he is surprised when he awakes on the floor with a throbbing headache.Kneeling beside him, still holding a badly dented tin tray, is the princess who is asking him if he is OK, and apologising for bashing him on the head with the tray that she is holding. Rubbing his head, the guard sits up finally noticing that what he thought was the princess is actually just a pile of pillows covered in a ratty blanket. He finally notices that the princess is still wearing her pyjamas, and wishing that he brought along a change of clothes for her, gets up and grabs the ratty blanket off the bed. The princess also realising that she is still wearing her pyjamas, quickly accepts his offer, and wraps the blanket around herself.The guard, and princess easily make their way back down the stairs, past the body of the young dragon, down the mountain, and back to the royal palace where the guard hoped he'd be welcomed with at least a promotion. He is slightly shocked to find the captain of the guard standing just inside the main gates of the palace, but is stunned when as soon as the princess see the captain, she leaps into his arms, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She then thanks him for sending our now speechless hero to come and rescue her from her prison. The captain says no problem, and then orders our stunned hero to resume his post near the manure pile, and to not forget to reclaim his sword from the tree that has been his replacement since his departure early that morning.The end?